He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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