ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
