And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
