i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So much rum. So many feels.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
