Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
