I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
