pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
