I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
