i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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