dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
