so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
