I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
