Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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