We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
