I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
