He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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