Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My life is pants optional.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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