is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
