You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
