Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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