why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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