she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
