Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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