so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
