He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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