is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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