well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just pynch a tree in the face
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
