Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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