STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
