Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
