OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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