Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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