Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
