Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
