i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
