did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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