she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
