I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
