you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
