My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
