I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
