We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
