Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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