So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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