Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
