I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
