Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
