i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
