And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
