ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
