He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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