I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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