yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
