she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
