There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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