After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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